


Pink in the Night

by youwinricky



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kid Fic, M/M, angst for like two paragraphs at least, dad!cody, updated tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 20:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21433942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youwinricky/pseuds/youwinricky
Summary: Cody has been single-handedly raising a baby for the past six months.
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 22
Kudos: 175





	Pink in the Night

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work in this fandom, and i just wanna say that i mean no offense to cody & noel, and i don't actually ""ship"" them or see them as anything more than friends. just to clarify :) 
> 
> title is from the mitski song by the same name.

He didn’t tell anyone he was going to be a dad until seven months into the pregnancy, but, to be fair, Cody didn’t know until four months into it, either, so he thinks he isn’t that much of an asshole for keeping it a secret for three more months. He would have called her an asshole, but he hardly knew her in the first place, and she was holding his child at the time, so it didn’t feel right. Instead, Cody tried to be as mature as he could possibly be, although he was certainly inexperienced in the whole thing, he wonders what he looked like when she first told him- he must’ve looked beyond terrified. He learned that her name is Vanessa, and she thinks that he’s an asshole. 

The first person he told was his mom, who asked questions about the girl, and why she didn’t know Cody was with a girl long enough to decide to have kids with her. Cody wonders if she was purposefully being oblivious, because it was hard to listen to. It was much easier listening to Noel call him a dumbass for not being safe. He told Cody to have fun with all the screaming- the goddamn screaming- reminding Cody that he, too, had been in a delivery room before and wondered how anyone could possibly smile and cry and hold a being that was screaming after just escaping from a dark, condensed space after nine months. Cody recalled the conversation very well, and it all came back to him head-on as soon as he found out about the daughter he was going to have. 

Cody got to choose the name, Vanessa not really wanting any say on it, and it took him until hours before she was born to come up with one. Cody had learned he was absolutely awful at coming up with decent names, and he about had a panic attack at the hospital trying to figure it out before one of the doctors asked. 

He settled on the name Liliana. He now calls her Lily, but for a month afterwards he and everyone else called her by her full name. It became oddly formal to Cody, causing him to start calling her by the nickname that was sure to come regardless. Eventually, it caught on, and everyone except Cody’s mother calls her Lily. 

So now, it’s been five months, and it feels as if it’s been a millennium since he got to bring Lily home from the hospital. It’s also been five months since he saw Vanessa, having parted ways only a day after she was able to leave. They told each other that maybe they’ll see each other around, Cody strongly doubting both their words, and so far he’s been right. Not that he minds, exactly. But having someone else there to help him would be nice. 

Cody swears he cried more than he ever had before during the first two months of having Lily at home. He feels bad for thinking it, but it was fucking _awful_. He felt fucking awful. Sure, his mother told him it would be hard, but he never pictured it to be _that_ hard, he supposes he was just being a bit too optimistic. Whether it was about his major lack of sleep, how he still had to work outside of taking care of Lily, or the baby girl’s crying, Cody found himself crying whenever the child was asleep. He wouldn’t notice the tears until he licked his lips and tasted them, quickly wiping them away in attempts to make himself unaware that he was hurting. It was ridiculous, stupid, because Noel always told him to let it out, to just let himself be sad once in a while, because apparently he deserves it, no matter the situation. But fuck, he thinks he’s cried more than Lily by now. He’s cried when he’s held her, feeding her, while watching her sleep, and he feels stupid. ____

_ _ __ _ _

_ __ _

Heading onto the six month mark, Cody’s stopped crying. His bed is officially his couch, and the TV is constantly re-running The Office as background noise to the usually silent house, beside when Lily cries. She’s left the stage in which she cries almost constantly, which Cody has been thankful for, but she sleeps throughout the day, only being awake during the night and early in the morning, causing his schedule to still be incredibly fucked. But, in one way or another, it’s almost cathartic. He’s awoken from Lily’s crying after napping during the same time as she does, waking up just before midnight. He picks her up to hold her close, rocking her in his arms, making her cries come to a steady halt. It’s become apparent to him that she likes hearing his heartbeat, her cries stop upon hearing it for only a few seconds. His surprise when he first found out was shown in the form of glassy eyes and texting his mom about it. She always makes sure to text him as soon as she can, sending him paragraphs about how proud she is of both her son and granddaughter. 

However, Noel is the only one that Cody still sees from time to time. Noel tells him that he’s not as busy anymore ever since Lily was born, a huge contradictory to Cody himself. He admits that he’s jealous of Noel for that. Noel tells him that they’ll make up for their lack of content. Cody tells him he isn’t so sure if he’d be capable of that. 

“How are you holding up?” Noel had asked him after that same conversation. 

Cody didn’t tell him about the crying sessions. But he told him about how scared he’d been. He damn near gets a heart attack whenever Lily cries randomly. Noel laughed a little when he said that, telling him she was only hungry or needed to be changed- to which Cody responded, _I fucking know that_. Noel laughed again as his own response. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

During one of the days that Noel was most recently at Cody’s house, he says, “If you need anything, I’m always here, man.” 

Cody calls him a week later. Lily’s crying, he doesn’t know why, it’s three in the morning, and he’s _exhausted_. He hasn’t seen anyone in days, beside the Uber Eats driver that dropped off Starbucks for him yesterday, and he needs to hear something else beside Lily’s whines and Michael Scott. It’s a miracle that Noel even picked up, it’s a miracle he came over without questioning or needing any persuasion whatsoever. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

“Are you okay?” Noel asks as soon as Cody opens the door. Cody nods, then shrugs. 

“Everything is just… too much right now. Does that make sense?” He steps aside to let Noel in. Noel then hands him a coffee, a large one at that, and Cody smiles as much as he can. “Thank you,” He says, taking the drink carefully with shaking hands and immediately takes a sip. He almost moans from how good it tastes. 

“I get it, dude. Maybe not exactly, but I do.” Noel smiles and pats Cody’s back, leaving his arm around his shoulders. “Man, you’re a goddamn mess. I’m not usually here when she’s awake. Do you need me to help you with anything?” He slowly draws his arm away from Cody.

Cody takes another drink, and relishes in the bliss that is Starbucks coffee at three thirty in the morning. “No, man, you don’t have to do anything. I just wanted someone else here with me. I felt like I was going fucking crazy,” Cody says, and as soon as he stops talking Lily lets out an ear-piercing yell, causing Noel to jump slightly. 

“Holy shit,” Noel laughs, “That _sucks_.” __

_ __ _

_ __ _

Cody tries to laugh, but it comes out hoarse. “Yeah, man, it does.” 

“Here, I’ll take this from you, you go get her,” Noel says, taking the coffee from Cody’s hands and making his way to the kitchen. Cody watches him leave, listens to his footsteps across the marble flooring, and only registers what Noel had told him when Lily screams again. Cody rubs his eyes before heading to her crib, which is now situated inside Cody’s bedroom rather than the living room. He lifts the baby girl from the crib, and her crying and screaming continues even after Cody holds her to his chest, the only tactic he knows that should work. He gets slightly frustrated when it doesn’t. He shushes her in quiet whispers, telling her that she’s okay. “Are you hungry?” He asks her, not expecting a direct answer but wanting one nonetheless. “Here, let’s go get food.” He kisses the top of her almost-bare head and turns around on his heel, but stops abruptly when he sees Noel standing beside the door frame. 

“Jesus Christ, dude,” Cody whispers. 

“Sorry- I was just wondering…” Noel glances to the baby, Cody assuming it’s because she’s cutting him off with her cries, “I was wondering where you went. So I just followed the crying.” 

“That’s one way to do it.”

“It makes the most sense.” Noel then shrugs. 

“Do you want to head back to the living room?” Cody asks as he continues to bounce Lily softly in his arms. Noel nods, stepping aside from the door frame to let Cody out first, following him afterwards. 

“How about I get her food?” Noel suggests to Cody, who in response passes him a confused look. 

“Dude, no, she’s not your responsibility.” 

Noel almost whines. “Cody… would you rather me hold her?”  


Looking away from Noel, Cody shakes his head. Noel laughs, Cody can practically hear his smirk. “I’ve seen you put them in the fridge once or twice.” 

“Yeah, I have a bottle in there.” 

“Do I need to warm it up?” Noel asks. He’s walking backwards slowly, waiting for Cody’s answers. 

“Just let it sit out for a couple minutes. Not too long or it’ll get gross.” 

“You got it,” Noel says with a wink. Cody rolls his eyes as he and Noel walk in opposite directions, Cody heading for the couch. His feet fucking hurt, and he thinks he’s getting a migraine from Lily’s crying. He wants nothing more than to finally lay down again. 

Cody sits cross-legged on the couch, back against the cushions. He finally can release the breath he thinks he’s been holding for the last hour. Lily doesn’t stop crying, but her screams got quieter as Cody rocks her gently. He whispers nonsense to her while waiting for Noel. 

Minutes pass when he does come back. He holds out the bottle to Cody, who takes it sheepishly. “Thank you so much,” he tells Noel. 

Noel waves him off. “No problem. I dipped my finger in it to check the temperature and everything, ‘cause I know that’s how you do it. It’s fairly lukewarm. I washed my hands before, too, just to be safe.” 

Cody thanks him again, proceeding to tell Noel to take a seat beside him. Noel does, leaving a gap between them but their knees still touch. Cody holds the nipple of the bottle to Lily’s lips, letting her take the rubber into her mouth gingerly. It’s quiet as soon as she starts drinking. Cody sighs in relief. “She never takes it that easily,” Cody says, “It usually takes so fucking long.” 

“At least she’s not actually sucking your titty,” Noel points out, to which Cody hits Noel’s knee with his own. Noel laughs, trying to keep it down as to not disrupt Lily, who is slowly falling back asleep. “I’m just saying, I’ve heard that shit hurts.” 

“Well, yeah, but I don’t want to imagine it.” 

Noel crinkles his nose, suddenly having the thought pictured in his mind. “Gross.” 

“I know.” 

“You know, I know I’ve called babies ugly and shit before, and she’s no exception, but this is cute.” 

Cody scoffs. He wishes he wasn’t holding Lily right now so he could slap Noel for saying that. “Shut up, man. Don’t talk about my daughter like that.” 

“Can I hold her?” 

“You just called her ugly!” 

“I was _joking_. She’s not that bad.” __

_ __ _

_ __ _

Cody sighs, pretending to be more annoyed at Noel than he actually is. He continues to hold the bottle, letting Lily finish. He carefully pulls back the bottle from her mouth, as to not disrupt her. When she stays quiet. “So, you need to have your hand resting under her head, and then your other arm under her back and butt.” 

Noel silently nods. 

Cody stands up, keeping his eyes focused on Lily. She shifts slightly in his hold. 

“Here,” Cody says, “Hold your arms up like how I told you.” 

Noel awkwardly raises his arms, copying how Cody’s look, minus the baby. 

“You’re such a dad,” Noel says as Cody passes Lily to Noel. His heart drops as soon as she’s out of his grasp, afraid she’ll wake up and start crying again as soon as she realizes she isn’t with her dad anymore. The only thing she does is shift again, head turning to one side. He squats in front of Noel, reaching out to lightly push Noel’s arm back to his chest so Lily’s body will lay against it. 

“I try,” Cody tells him as he stands back up. He stretches, making his shoulders pop. “You should just hold her for the rest of the night.” 

Noel shakes his head and looks down at the baby. “I don’t even think I’m doing this right.” 

Cody sits back down, cross-legged this time now that he isn’t holding Lily. He leans in closer to Noel, reaching over to wipe some of the formula that’s still on Lily’s lips and chin. “You’re doing fine.” 

Noel thanks him in an almost silent whisper. 

“Dude, I’m gonna pass out,” Cody says and leans his back into the couch. 

“You better not fall asleep on me,” Noel says, trying to make his voice sound threatening. It only causes Cody to giggle. Noel smiles and holds Lily closer to him to transfer the weight away from his arms. “She’s heavy. How do you do this constantly?”

“I’ve just gotten used to it.” 

Noel _oh’s_, then says, “I guess she’s not that ugly. But all newborns do look like those shar pei dogs. The ones that have those huge ass folds.” __

_ __ _

_ __ _

“You can’t keep cussing in front of her,” Cody says.

“You do it all the time, she’ll pick it up from one of us eventually.” 

“I’m lowering the cussing down right now.” 

“Fine. I’ll stop.” 

“Do you want me to take her back?” 

Noel looks between Cody and the baby. “Oh, yeah, sure.” He attempts to pass her to Cody, ending with Cody just taking her. “You’ll get better,” Cody tells him, positive with his words. As long as Noel keeps coming over. 

“Imma go lay her back down.” 

Noel nods as Cody leaves. 

“Love you,” Cody whispers to his daughter when he entered his room. He lays her back down inside of her crib. Before he heads back to Noel, Cody pauses. He swoops the wispy strands of hair away from Lily’s forehead. “You don’t look like a fucking shar pei.” 

When he walks back to the couch, Noel has moved to the other end of the couch, leaving most of it to Cody. “You should take a nap or something, you looked busted,” Noel says, trying to sound as non-judgemental as he could. Cody sighs. 

“I don’t want to fall asleep just to have her cry and wake me up again.” 

“Isn’t that what you’ve been doing since the day she got home?” 

“I…” Cody pauses, “You’re right.” 

“I’m here now, I won’t leave until I have to or until you tell me to.” 

Cody doesn’t have to be persuaded by Noel any further. He lays down on the couch, head pressed against the cushions. Noel lets him rest the end of his legs across his thighs. “This is the only time I’ll ever let your feet get this close to me.” 

Cody responds by attempting to kick Noel’s hands with one of his feet. 

“Fuck off,” Noel says, followed by a laugh. He pushes Cody’s legs away from him. “Just go to sleep. If anything happens I’ll either take care of it or wake you up.”

“Thanks,” Cody says as he moves his shins to Noel’s thighs again. 

Cody falls asleep to the sound of a Marvel movie playing. 

-

It’s eerily silent when Cody wakes up. He’s used to seeing The Office on the TV or Lily’s crying, but neither of those are present as Cody rolls onto his side, first seeing a blank television screen and then Noel’s absence at the other end of the couch. Cody sits up, running a hand through his hair that had messily fallen over his eyes during his sleep. He wonders if Noel had left, maybe shot him a text that Cody wouldn’t see until later. 

Upon standing, Cody’s legs feel numb. He must’ve been asleep for longer than he’s been used to recently. 

The silence of his house was soon broken by the sound of the refrigerator opening. As soon as Cody steps into the kitchen, he sees Noel. Lily is balanced above his hip, one arm around her as he gets a container of blueberries from the fridge. “Dude,” Cody says, causing Noel to turn around with wide eyes, getting scared at Cody’s sudden presence.

Noel greets him with a nod after the slight shock fades away, proceeding to close the refrigerator. 

“Is she awake?” Cody asks, walking over to his friend. 

“Yeah, she was crying,” Noel answers. Cody is babbling to Lily quietly, hardly listening to what Noel was saying. Lily grips onto Cody’s middle finger, smiling while showing her gums that were only just starting to bring baby teeth in. “So I got her, and she needed to be changed. So I did that. Then I got her some food. I tried getting her to hold a spoon, but it didn’t work out.” 

Cody begins to take Lily from Noel’s arms. “You really did all that?” Cody questions, genuine surprise written across his face. Cody still has to force himself to get up at ugly hours of the day to take care of Lily, he wouldn’t have expected Noel to do any of it, being the very first time he’d taken care of her. “You could have just woken me up, seriously.” 

Noel shrugs as he opens the blueberry container. “I did. And I don’t mind, you need a break anyway. You’ve been doing this all alone for months now.” 

Cody half-smiles. He did need the break, but he doesn’t want to push any of his responsibilities onto Noel, even if only for a few hours. Cody is about to explain this to Noel, until Lily starts prattling to herself, little gurgling noises coming from her mouth. Both Noel and Cody look at the child. “Has she been doing that for a while?” Noel asks, finding it oddly cute that Lily is trying to speak, but having it come out as complete nonsense. 

“Uh, yeah. I read that she should be saying her first word soon,” Cody says, trying not to sound too excited. However, that excitement is shown through a shy, sheepish smile. “I think she might be getting there. I kinda hope it’s ‘dad’, but I’ll be stoked either way.” 

Noel audibly awes at Cody’s words, and Cody doesn’t know if he’s making fun of him or not. Noel says, “Have you tried asking her to say it?” Noel moves away from the fridge, taking the blueberries with him to the kitchen table. He pulls out chairs for both him and Cody. Cody follows. 

“Sometimes.” 

Cody sits down and sits Lily on the table in front of him. He holds her tiny hands in his own. “Can you say daddy, Lily?” Cody asks the baby. “Dah-dee,” he pronounces slowly, making Noel giggle from beside him. Lily looks at Noel, then back at her dad, her expression and hazel eyes holding confusion. Cody pronounces the word again for Lily, only ending in more babbling from her. 

“She’ll get it soon enough. You can tell she’s trying,” Noel tells Cody. 

“Your uncle is so supportive of you, Lily,” Cody tells his daughter. Lily looks to Noel, seemingly understanding who Cody was talking about. 

“I didn’t know I was _Uncle_ Noel. Why haven’t you told me that?” Noel asks as he scoots his chair closer to Cody’s. Cody moves one of his hands away from Lily’s to grab a few blueberries. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

“You’re my best friend, of course I’m gonna call you her uncle. But I thought you’d be weirded out by the title. I know you don’t like kids and shit- stuff. I mean stuff.” 

Noel jokingly rolls his eyes at Cody’s slip-up. He thinks the no cursing rule is ridiculous right now as she can’t talk, but goes along with it regardless, for Cody’s sake. “I don’t mind. Also, it’s not that I don’t like them. They’re just- assholes,” Cody glares at him, “But she’s not so bad.” 

“Thanks,” Cody laughs, “Did you hear that, Lily? You’re not so bad.” 

Lily giggles, and holds out her free hand to reach for Cody’s face. Her hands are sticky, and Cody can smell the baby food on them, the residue coming off onto his cheeks. Cody pulls her hand away, proceeding to ask her if she wants any of the blueberries. Lily sputters gibberish, and Cody takes it as a yes. He takes a single blueberry, biting it in half to make it even smaller. “Here,” he says, holding the piece to Lily’s hand. She takes it, hand then forming into a fist as she raises it to her mouth. 

“Awe, dude,” Noel says to Lily, “You’re getting it all over your hand.” 

Lily presses her entire palm to her mouth to put the piece of blueberry into her mouth, leaving her skin stained with purple and blue juice. “Let’s go wash your hands, alright?” Cody picks up Lily, standing from the table while doing so. Lily reaches out to touch Cody’s face again, wiping some of the blueberry juice onto his nose and chin. 

“Well, it’s almost nine. I think I should head on out. Kira’s going to wonder where I am.” 

As Cody washes Lily’s hands he says, “I didn’t know you two were living together now.” 

Noel pushes his chair in. He closes the blueberry container. “Oh, no. She’s just been staying over recently.” 

Cody nods as he turns off the kitchen sink. Lily claps her hands, making water splash around the sink and get onto Cody’s shirt. He quickly gets a hand towel to dry off Lily’s hands. “Are you guys like, serious?” Cody asks, wiping off the blueberry juice from his face. 

“I mean, we’ve only been together for a few months now.” 

“Sometimes you just know,” Cody says with a shrug. 

Noel changes the conversation rather quickly, saying, “Well. I should get going now. It was nice hanging out with you, man.” 

Cody finds it strange that Noel is leaving so abruptly, but doesn’t question it. He tells Noel bye, adds a final ‘thank you’, and lets him leave. Noel was probably just tired, after having Cody wake him up so early in the morning and then take care of a baby while he was asleep. Cody wouldn’t blame him if that was the case, he’d be wanting to leave as soon as he could, too. 

It comes as a shock when Noel, again, asks no questions after Cody asks him to come over. He shows up with another coffee, and a smile on his face. Cody appreciates it. 

“Is she good?” Noel asks, noticing that he isn’t hearing any crying upon entering Cody’s house. Instead, Cody is holding her. 

“Yeah. She woke me up around one, and I’ve been up ever since.” 

It’s four now, and Noel gives him a look of sympathy. “You need me to do anything?” 

Cody shakes his head. “Nah, I got everything down. I just wanted to be with someone. I can only listen to the same episodes of The Office over and over again for so long. And she’s asleep now, so I can’t talk to her either.” 

“I’m glad you called me, dude.” 

They sit at the kitchen table together, talking, most of their conversations being about Lily, and it goes on the same for weeks until Cody no longer has to ask Noel to come over. It’s simply a given, Noel would come over at the same time almost every morning, nearing the time Cody says Lily wakes up. He brings a coffee for Cody, lets him take a nap, and stays for another hour or so until having to leave again. 

Today, though, Noel tells Cody he should leave the house. It’s not like Cody _never_ leaves the house, he just can’t remember the last time he did. Everything he does is at home, so he sees no point in having to leave. “It’s not healthy staying inside all day,” Noel tells him, “We can just go get breakfast really quick.” __

_ __ _

_ __ _

It’s nine in the morning, the usual time that Noel would be leaving, and Cody reluctantly agrees to go. He worries about Lily possibly getting sick, or crying in public, Cody having to coax her back to sleep while annoyed eyes glare at him. Noel tells him not to agonize over what could go wrong. Noel tells him that he’ll be there for Cody if anything happens. Noel tells him that Cody has taken her out of the house before, and she’ll be okay. 

“Okay,” is all Cody says, and Noel drives them. 

Luckily, being the morning on a weekday, there’s not many people at the restaurant Noel chose to take them to. It doesn’t stop Cody from thinking that Lily might get sick. “I read that you should wait a while before bringing them out in large public places,” Cody tells Noel, not caring much about what to eat but rather concerning himself entirely with his daughter. 

“You have waited a while. I’m sure they mean only five months, max. It can’t be healthy keeping her inside for so long, either.” 

“I know- but- LA’s disgusting. Maybe it works differently here.” 

“Cody, that’s the dumbest shit, and you know it,” Noel tells him, just before a waitress comes up to their table to take their order. Noel orders for Cody, seeing as Cody hadn’t paid any mind to the menu. She thanks them, and walks away, eyes lingering on Lily with a soft smile. Only Noel notices. 

“I just… I really don’t know what I would do if she got sick. A sick baby? God, I’d kill myself.” 

“Don’t say that. Also, it’s inevitable that she’ll get sick. She needs to be exposed to germs and shit so her immune system isn’t wack.” 

“I guess… I guess that makes sense.” Cody looks down at Lily, who’s sitting on his lap and sucking on her fingers. Cody pulls them out, getting drool on his hand. He uses a napkin to wipe it off, letting his hand rest limply on the table while his other holds Lily up. “I’m just being super paranoid. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.” 

“Cody, I know you don’t, and you’re doing a good job at making sure that doesn’t happen. But you should also look out for yourself too,” Noel says while he taps his fingers on the table. Cody watches them. “You being so paranoid won’t benefit Lily, either.” 

“I know, but-” Cody sees Noel stop tapping suddenly. “But- I know what you’re saying- I just-” 

Noel rests his hand over Cody’s, leaning over the table. It isn’t so difficult, as the table is only big enough to seat the both of them. “Cody, you’re doing a great job, especially for a single dad. You know how clueless they can be?” 

Lily babbles to herself. Cody stares at his and Noel’s hands. Noel’s fingers are moving carefully, entwining their fingers together. Cody sucks in a breath as he finally looks up. “I guess I’ve heard stuff.” 

“See? You’re going to be okay, she is too, with you as her dad.” 

The waitress comes back with two drinks. Noel got both of them lemonades. He doesn’t let go of Cody’s hand, even with the waitress telling them that their food would be ready soon. Noel only thanks her. 

“It’s still so weird saying that,” Noel continues, “Calling you a dad. Wasn’t it only a year ago that you were worried about never starting a family?” 

“Yeah,” Cody starts, “This is unconventional, though.” 

“So? As long as you’re happy.” 

Now Noel is holding Cody’s one hand with both of his own. His hands encase around Cody’s, making his skin warm. If his heart speeds up, Cody doesn’t let himself acknowledge it. 

“Are you?” Noel asks after Cody stays silent. 

Cody wishes he didn’t feel so alone all the time, on a higher level than only physical. But he doesn’t want to tell Noel that. 

“I think so,” he says instead. 

“You’ll figure it out soon enough.” 

Their food comes only minutes later, Cody being surprised with the plate of pancakes that Noel had ordered for him. Noel gets almost the opposite- waffles. Both are topped with fruit cut into pieces, something Cody could easily give to Lily. Noel pulls his hand away from Cody’s before the plates are set down, leaving Cody’s hand cold. 

“You want some food, Lily?” Cody asks his daughter, lifting her up slightly so she can see the plate of food. Lily tries reaching for a piece of strawberry, Cody drawing it back before she can touch it. “I need to make it smaller, okay? I don’t want you to choke on it.” 

He takes the strawberry that Lily tried grabbing, biting the half into an even smaller piece that Lily could eat. “Here,” Cody says while chewing the other half of the strawberry. Lily stares at it before taking it into her fist and shoving the entire thing into her mouth. “Be careful,” Cody tells her, hoping she understands what he means. He watches her intently, making sure she’s chewing enough in order to swallow the fruit. 

Meanwhile, Noel has already finished half a waffle. Cody continues letting Lily point out the pieces of fruit she wants, and biting them into smaller bite-size pieces to set on a napkin for her to grab whenever she wanted more. Then Cody finally lets himself eat.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a child enjoy fruit as much as she does,” Noel says, pointing his fork to Lily as she bites down into a blueberry, using the minimal amount of teeth that she has. 

“It’s the only sugary thing I let her have, of course she’s gonna love it,” Cody says while using a fork to cut a chunk of pancake out for himself. “But you’re right. Blueberries aren’t _that_ sweet.” __

_ __ _

_ __ _

They listen to Lily gurgle and talk to herself in her own indecipherable language, up until Noel asks, 

“How is she with vegetables? I’ve only seen her eat nasty ass pureed carrots.” 

Cody mentions his no-cursing rule again, not catching the way Noel smiles and rolls his again for the upteenth time because of Cody trying to act stern with him. Then, Cody says, “She’s alright. You’ve seen how she eats that stuff, most of it just seeps back out of her mouth.” 

Noel laughs. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Do you know how hard it is to get it off your clothes?” 

“Yeah, I know quite well, man.”

“Kira had to help me figure out how to do it. I was just about ready to throw the whole thing away- the white Adidas shirt- and then I figured I could just wear it whenever I come to your house. Maybe I should just keep it at your place, give it its own place in your closet.”

Cody imagines Noel actually bringing the shirt over to his house, telling Cody that he’s keeping it in his room and only wearing it when feeding Lily. It’s almost endearing, the hypothetical thought of it, up until Cody thinks about looking through his shirts and seeing one stained with different colors of pureed baby food. He could very well just tell Noel to bring over his shirts with stains on them and clean them for him, but something about Noel saying- 

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by Lily hitting his arm with her fist. She’s making noises and spitting tiny chunks of fruit onto her clothes and Cody’s shirt- speaking of food stains. “What do you need, sweetheart?” 

Cody expects more gibberish, maybe Lily only staring up at him with wide, questioning eyes, slobber slipping from her lips and dripping down her chin. He most certainly does not expect to hear Lily mutter out something that sounds scarily similar to ‘dad’, making Cody drop his fork to his plate with a loud clatter as it flips over and falls to the table. It’s sounds more like ‘_dah_’, but nonetheless, it makes Cody’s heart stop beating for a moment, and Noel hears it too. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

“Holy sh-” Cody stops, “Oh my god. Noel- you heard that, right?” Cody looks up at his friend, not able to hide a huge, goofy smile. 

“Yeah, dude. I did.” 

“Oh my god,” Cody repeats, lifting Lily up so he’s face-to-face with her, “Can you say that again, Lily?” 

She giggles and touches Cody’s face. Cody feels like crying- this time around out of pure fucking joy. He’s fucking ecstatic. Beyond goddam euphoric. Then Lily repeats the word again, the only thing that Cody’s been able to understand from her. “Dude, I’m gonna fucking cry,” Cody says as he breaks his own rule and feels his eyes becoming glassy with threatening tears. 

“Dude, I can tell,” Noel says, only partly making fun of Cody’s emotional state as he, too, is kind of amazed. “Who is that, Lily?” Noel asks the child, pointing to Cody. His voice is soft and joyous, smiling at Lily as well as Cody. 

Lily looks to her dad, then back at Noel. She says it again. Then repeats it. She finds her own joy in saying it. Noel starts laughing, thinking it’s the funniest thing ever. But when he looks back at Cody- he’s crying. “Are you okay?” Noel decides to ask. 

Cody nods, wiping a stray tear away from his cheek. “Yeah. I’m really happy.” He kisses Lily’s cheek. 

Noel moves his chair so he’s sitting closer to Cody and Lily. “You made your daddy cry, Lily,” Noel says, pretending to scold her, “How does that make you feel?” 

Lily claps her hands.

Cody tries to laugh, but it comes out strangled through his tears. Noel looks at Cody, a gentle look on his face. He reaches out slowly, making sure Cody was okay with what he’s doing, and then wipes off the tears that are steadily rolling down his cheeks. Lily, by now, has gotten over saying a word that her father understood. Meanwhile, it’s still all Cody and Noel can think of. “This is one of the only times I want to see you cry, man,” Noel says. By now his hand has cupped Cody’s cheek, arm extended enough that he doesn’t get in Lily’s way. His thumb wipes away another tear. 

“Wait until she walks for the first time,” Cody says. He sniffles. 

“I can’t wait.” 

Noel keeps his hand lingering on Cody’s face for what was probably longer than necessary, as what motivates Noel to move it away is their waitress coming back to check up on them. Cody blushes when he realizes that the girl had seen them acting so intimate with one another, and then it occurs to him that other patrons of the restaurant might have, too. 

“I’m sorry for interrupting,” she apologizes, and her eyes linger over Cody, noting his red and glassy eyes, “Just wanted to check-in.” 

Cody lets Noel speak for them again. 

“We’re great, thank you,” is all he ends up saying. 

The waitress nods, and before she walks off to another table near them, she says, “Can I just say that she’s so adorable?” 

Noel glances at Cody, letting him do the talking this time. 

“Oh, thank you.” 

“How old is she?” 

“Eight months.” 

“My niece started talking a bit around that age. You guys must be really excited.” 

Cody holds back laughter. Noel tells the waitress, “Yeah, we are. She said her first word pretty recently.” 

“Really? That’s amazing,” she says, “Well, I should get back to work. I wish you the best of luck.”

She waves to Lily, who only stares at her, before walking to her next table. Once she’s out of earshot, Cody says, “She thought we were her gay dads.” 

Noel chuckles, finding the assumption ridiculous. “She was probably just talking to you.” 

Cody wants to mention how the waitress saw Noel cupping his face as tenderly as he did, or how he’d moved his chair to be closer to both him and Lily. She saw Noel wipe away his tears with the pad of his thumb with as much gentleness as his voice held when he asked Lily who Cody is. With how little the woman knew about them, using a judging-by-the-book mentality, he wouldn’t blame her if she really thought Noel was also one of Lily’s parents. 

Really, Cody wouldn’t mind if Noel was Lily’s other parent. 

“I don’t… think so. You did tell her that _we’re_ pretty excited about her talking for the first time.” __

_ __ _

_ __ _

“‘Cause we are!” Noel says, tone defensive, “You know, whatever, who cares if she thinks we fuck.” 

Cody groans. 

“You really have to stop doing that, man. She can talk now.” 

-

Cody never would admit it, but whenever he sees Noel and Lily spending time with each other, his heart swells and feels like it’s about to burst right out of his chest. He knows for sure he’ll never get used to the feeling, it would always be present because the scene is always so sickeningly sweet. Whether he’d just been waking up from a nap or finishing breakfast, he was always taken back by the sight of Noel reading or watching TV with his daughter. Although it meant nothing to her and Noel, it meant everything to Cody. 

Cody wonders when these feelings started to become prominent. He supposes it ought to have been when he first called Noel over, and he came without any hesitation whatsoever. It’s as if he was meant to fill in the space that Lily’s mom left, to fill the gap that Cody had been missing since he found out about Lily all those months ago. He’s been friends with Noel for years, he’s known him for even longer. Perhaps he’s always liked Noel in more than just a simple, friendly way. He’s always admired him, maybe even adored him, even through other relationships Cody has had in the past. 

If there’s even a chance that Noel feels the same, Cody wants to find it, to unbury it. He wants it to mean _something_\- how Noel is so ambient of being there for Cody, comforting him to no extent, taking care of Lily despite Cody telling him that he didn’t have to on so many different occasions. Maybe it was out of pure friendliness, they are _best friends_ after all. Maybe Noel is just a package deal of a friend. ____

_ _ __ _ _

_ _ __ _ _

But _god_, Cody’s never wanted to kiss a friend more. He’s never wanted to go to fucking Disneyland, of all places, with someone, holding hands while pushing a stroller and taking pictures with a life-size replica of a cartoon character, as much as he does with Noel. He’s never pictured having a family with anyone _but_ Noel. And sure, maybe Lily being in the picture now might be apart of that, but he knows he’d still choose Noel no matter what. ____

_ _ __ _ _

_ _ __ _ _

Admitting it, even to himself, is scary, especially when Noel is feet away from him. His heartbeat quickens and he’s suddenly fearing that Noel can somehow read his mind. But when Cody sits up on the couch to get a better view of Noel and Lily on the floor together, Noel’s laying on his stomach, completely immersed in the book that is flat on the floor in front of him, reading it aloud to Lily. He doesn’t recognize that Cody has moved. Meanwhile Lily is sitting upright, sucking on her thumb as she listens to Noel speak. But she’s mostly consumed by the colorful pictures printed onto the pages as she blinks slow and heavy. Cody can tell she’s beginning to doze off with the way that her eyes are drooping, and judging by Noel’s position, Noel might be doing the same. 

“Are you tired, sweetheart?” Cody says aloud, causing Noel to stop reading and Lily to look at her dad while taking her thumb out of her mouth to call out for him. Instead of giving Cody some kind of verbal response, Lily holds her hand out, wanting Cody to come pick her up. When Cody does, she immediately cuddles into his chest. She makes small whining noises as her hand curls around Cody’s shirt. 

“Okay, okay, let’s go lay down,” he turns to Noel, “Are you going to be heading out soon?” He secretly hopes Noel tells him no. 

Noel pulls out his phone to check the time. 

“It’s only eight, I can stay for a bit longer.” 

“Alright,” Cody smiles, “I’ll be right back.” 

It only takes him a minute to settle Lily down in her crib, and then get back to Noel.

“Thanks for doing that- reading to her. She was out as soon as I laid her down,” Cody says as he makes his way back to the couch. Noel has moved from the floor to the couch, after putting the books and other small toys that Lily had been playing with before. “There’s something about your voice, dude. It’s like… calming? I guess you could say.” 

Noel chuckles, “You think so?” 

Cody sits down, facing Noel. “Totally. If I tried sitting her down to read to her, she’d probably just walk- well, crawl- away. I don’t think she likes my voice very much.” 

“Sure she does. You’re her dad,” Noel waves him off, “And besides, if she for some reason doesn’t, I happen to like your voice a lot.”

Cody silently thanks Noel for not looking at him while he spoke, rather at his fingernails and the holes in his jeans, because Cody can’t stop the blush that comes to his cheeks. Cody wants to yell at himself to _stop_, but Noel keeps talking, only making him blush harder, “Sometimes, it’s kind of weird waking up and hearing Kira’s voice instead of yours. Just ‘cause we’ve been with each other, like, non-stop, dude. It’s getting kind of fucking weird. Do you get what I mean?” __

_ __ _

_ __ _

Cody finds himself gazing at Noel’s lips, then his eyes, and back at his lips again, while he listens to Noel. The rosiness of Cody’s cheeks is starting to fade away, but then his heart skipped several beats, and he’s starting to wonder if Noel is doing this on purpose. Does he know that Cody’s been thinking about him? In a way that’s pushing the boundaries of simply best-friends? Can Noel tell? The irrational part of his brain is again telling him that Noel can read his thoughts. Between Cody’s obvious lingering gazes and the way he asks if Noel is going to stay for longer, he might, and the thought it terrifying within itself. 

“I… not really. I’m kind of single still.” 

Noel frowns a bit. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you-” 

“It’s fine, dude,” Cody cuts him off. He’s _fine_ with the fact, as long as Noel is still there with him. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

Cody then changes the conversation. “How are you and Kira? You haven’t talked much about her.” 

He hasn’t heard much about her since Noel started coming over. The last time they had a full conversation involving Kira was before Lily had been born. Cody would have forgotten that Noel is dating someone, if he didn’t care so much. 

Noel seems to be taken aback by Cody’s question, like it was so shocking for Cody to ask about his girlfriend. “I- well,” Noel stutters, “To be honest? I’m not sure. We haven’t been talking as much. The times that we have, they’ve been more… like, arguments.” 

“O-oh,” now it was Cody’s turn to trip over his words, “What’ve they been about?” 

“Nothing specific, really.” Noel shrugs. He dips his fingers into the tears in his pants, pulling at the loose strings. Cody can tell he’s lying. 

“You’re lying,” he says his thoughts aloud. 

“If I tell you you’ll get fucking weird about it.” 

Cody grows confused. “I don’t…” He trails off, unable to find anything to say. 

Noel plays with his jeans, scratching the skin underneath it. His teeth chew on his bottom lip before he quietly says, “They’re about you. And Lily.” 

Shifting in spot on the couch, Cody blinks. His eyes sting. His confusion from before fails to diffuse, only growing stronger. Why in the world would Kira care about Cody at all? He’s never met the girl, despite being as close to Noel as he is. He’s only seen her in pictures and heard her through phone calls. Noel must bring him up a lot, for Kira to have any notion about who Cody is. 

“Because I’ve been spending all my time with you. And she knows you’re my best friend, but since you’re single and have a kid… it’s making her wonder. I’ve tried telling her that we’re just friends, and I’m helping you out for a bit until Lily’s older, but she said I’m sort of acting like Lily’s dad more than anything else.” 

Cody looks away from Noel, anywhere but Noel. Tension immediately rises between them, thick and heavy. Cody has to keep his hands folded in his lap so he doesn’t start to chew on his nails out of a nervous habit. “I… doesn’t that make _you_ feel weird? About being here with me, then?”__

_ __ _

_ __ _

“Not- not really. Because I know we’re just friends. I know I’m not Lily’s other dad or whatever. If Kira doesn’t get that then maybe we shouldn’t be together.” 

Cody tries not to let his disappointment get the best of him, although he can’t help but sigh at Noel’s words. “But… she’s your girlfriend, man. You should be spending time with her-” 

The words come out forced, they taste bitter. Cody feels jealousy flood inside his chest like angry waves. It’s like he couldn’t breathe for a moment. 

“-And I think, with having you over as much as you are, it’s starting to fuck with my head.” 

Cody tries laughing to lower the strain. It hardly works, mouth having gone dry. He glances to Noel, and is met with light-colored eyes. He looks apprehensive, making Cody cringe internally. “What do you mean?” Noel questions. Cody suddenly feels as if he is being interrogated, a spotlight shining down onto him but it’s just the sunlight coming from the windows. 

“I’m starting to think that… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you were Lily’s other… other parent. You’re just good with her. She loves you, we both do. And being around you all the time is making me realize a lot of shit that I probably could have figured out years ago. Like, I’m thinking about holding your hand, like, a lot.” 

Noel’s expression grows softer, causing Cody to be able to breathe a little better. Cody thinks he might even smile, and it makes Cody feel almost relieved. 

However, when Noel talks, Cody thinks he’s taken two steps right back. 

“I think...maybe I should go. Kira’s going to be pissed with me, probably.” 

Cody feels his whole body falter. A weight being pushed against him. “Noel- I didn’t want to make yo-”

“Cody, really, it’s fine. I’ll text you later.” 

Cody feels confused and hurt. He doesn’t know which feeling he, well, feels, more of. It’s like they’re fighting for dominance about who is going to rule over his emotions for the time being, all while his mind tries to figure out what to say. Noel’s acting too nonchalant for Cody to _not_ be worried. His voice is still so soft, the normal raspy edge it has to it that would really make anyone swoon, he doesn’t sound angry or disgusted. He’s calm, he’s chill, he’s normal Noel. Cody almost _wished_ Noel got pissed at him. ____

_ _ __ _ _

_ _ __ _ _

Instead, Noel pats his shoulder, fingers lingering, tells him to have a good rest of his day, and leaves. 

-

Two days is the longest time Cody’s been away from Noel for more than eight months. He knows he shouldn’t be bothering him, Noel’s taking much-deserved time for himself, but Cody can’t help but obsessively check his phone every time he even so much as looks at it. It’s always _nothing_, except maybe an email or a text from his mom. And, like, _he gets it_. Noel’s spending time with his girlfriend- it makes sense, especially after all the time he and Cody have been spending together. If he were in Kira’s position, he would question their relationship too. _He gets it_. ______

_ _ __ _ _

_ _ __ _ _

But it doesn’t hurt any less. Cody knows he’s become dependent of Noel over the last few months. He’s grown accustomed to the domesticity of his life, he’s grown into having Noel there everyday after being by himself for months before. It feels selfish, but Cody can’t help it. 

He can’t help but be jealous, either. He can’t help but wonder if Noel is with Kira right now. And if he is, he wonders what they’re talking about, if Noel told her what had happened, if he told her that she was sort of right, because Cody’s gay for him. Or whatever. 

“Should I call Noel, Lily?” Cody resorts to asking his daughter about his situation, having no one else to confide in. His mother was always on the table, but he didn’t feel like explaining that he has a crush on Noel, of all people. The little girl perks up at Noel’s name. A smile tugs at the corners of Cody’s lips. “Or should I just leave him alone right now?” 

Lily, of course, doesn’t respond, and goes back to playing with Cheerios. She picks them out of her bowl and sets them on her highchair tray. 

“I should probably leave him alone.” he says as he comes to a conclusion, continuing to watch his daughter squeeze Cheerios against the tray and in her hands until they crumble into pieces, then eats the scraps, Cheerios dust sticking to her lips and chin. “He said he would call me later. Do you think he will?” 

Lily picks up another piece of cereal, holding it out to Cody as she calls for him. 

Cody takes it from her hand and pops it into his mouth to amuse her, smiling along with Lily’s high-pitched laughter in attempts to stop overthinking. 

And it works, for the most part. He leaves his phone charging in the kitchen while giving Lily a bath, then watching a Disney movie together. 

Although later, when Lily’s dozing off to sleep while Cody’s holding her in his arms, his phone goes off, echoing throughout the silence of his home. It startles Cody, enough to make his grip on his daughter that much tighter. He apologizes to her before grabbing his phone, balancing Lily on his hip. She stirs within her slumber, all while Cody sees Noel’s name across his screen. Of course it’s Noel. His stomach does a flip. He’s nervous. Of course he’s nervous. He knows he shouldn’t be. _Act like an adult_, he thinks to himself before answering the call. __

_ _Cody puts it on speaker so he could more comfortably hold Lily. He sets the phone onto the kitchen countertop beside him. “Hey, man,” Cody says first. To calm his nerves, he moves Lily’s hair back, the light brown hair that’s wild from being unbrushed. _ _

_ _“Hey,” Noel says. He sounds normal. Then, he continues, much to Cody’s surprise, “I’m outside. Like, in front of your house.” _ _

_ _“What?” _ _

_ _“Come on, man,” Noel laughs, “I’m outside. Wanna talk to you.” _ _

_ _Cody’s quick to stand up from the couch. Before he goes to the front door, he goes to Lily’s crib to let her have an uninterrupted sleep. He’s done that far too many times already. Then he says, “Right. Okay. I’m walking to the door right now.” _ _

_ _It only takes a few steps before Cody is opening the front door. Noel’s still by his car when Cody spots him. “Hey,” Cody says again once Noel and him make eye contact. _ _

_ _“You can end the call now, Cody.” _ _

_ _Cody shrugs. Noel sees it. _ _

_ _He thinks it’s less awkward this way. Cody says, “I’ll wait ‘til you get to the door.” _ _

_ _As promised, Cody ends the call and puts his phone into one of his pockets. Noel holds his arms out for a hug, and Cody suddenly malfunctions- like he’s forgotten what exactly a hug is. Regardless, he lets Noel wrap his arms around him, and for a moment he lets himself feel small. Lets himself melt. It's a cliché because it makes him giddy- and it’s weird because it’s Noel. _ _

_ _“I broke up with her,” Noel whispers, acting as if there’s anyone else around to listen beside Cody. _ _

_ _The revelation causes Cody to move away from their hug. “With Kira? Why would you-” He pauses. Noel already knows what he’s going to say. Instead, he shuts the front door, turning the lock until it makes a quiet _click_._ _ __

__

__

_ _“Cody, you know why.” _ _

_ _Cody runs his hand through his hair. Another nervous habit. “I- I don’t. I mean, not really.” _ _

_ _Well, he has an _idea_. But he’s certainly not going to get his hopes up. _ _ __

__

__

_ _“I wanted to make it this whole grand-ass thing. You know how in movies instead of just… talking, the guy just straight-up kisses the other person to confess his feelings?” Noel doesn’t wait for Cody’s response, “I was watching a movie where that happened. And I thought that maybe that’s how I wanted to do it. But that shit’s weird. Also, you’d never let me live it down if I did something like that. So I thought, maybe it’d be better if I told you, without making it too dramatic, you know?” _ _

_ _Cody can’t do anything else beside nod. _ _

_ _“Great,” Noel says with a sigh. Cody notices how shaky the other man is, he’s twisting his fingers and tapping them against his thighs. “I broke up with Kira two days ago. I like you, man. In a really, really gay way. Like, I wanna be Lily’s other dad and shit.” _ _

_ _Cody’s breath hitches. He hears his heartbeat. Feels it pounding away at his chest. “You don’t-”_ _

_ _“Cody, there’s literally no one else in the world who I would have spent the last three months of my life helping raise a goddamn baby beside _you_. And even if you didn’t have a daughter, I’d still prefer having that time spent being with you, more than anything or anyone else. I promise you.” _ _ __

__

__

_ _The logical part of Cody is still telling him to make up excuses as to why Noel is saying this. He thinks he might be dreaming the whole thing up. The rest of him is bursting at the seams. He feels like a little kid. When he smiles, he pictures himself having the same smile as one of Lily’s (he supposes it’s the whole genetics thing, but that’s beside the point). “Shut the fuck up,” Cody says, “I didn’t know you could be such a fucking _sap_.” _ _ __

__

__

_ _They hug again. It doesn’t feel any different from their normal hugs, but they both know, in a way, that it is. _ _

_ _“Are you tired?” Cody eventually asks. He’s still holding onto Noel like a lifesource. _ _

_ _“Yeah, man, I’m exhausted.” _ _

_ _“Wanna go lay down?”_ _

_ _“Please.”_ _

_ _Cody’s always noticed the empty space inside his bed, but it’s put into perspective when Noel is laying down next to him. Noel’s still in his clothes that he was wearing when he first came, having promised to Cody that they’re clean. Meanwhile, Cody wears gray joggers and tee that should’ve been thrown out years ago. Noel makes fun of him about it until Cody scoots over across the bed, just so he can take in Noel’s warmth. Cody tells Noel to shut up before tucking his head into Noel’s shoulder. The action definitely gets Noel to stop pestering Cody about his worn-out shirt. He tucks his arm securely around Cody, bringing them even closer together. Cody hums in content. _ _

_ _They stay silent for what feels like hours. Cody’s surprised that Lily hasn’t woken up yet. The thought causes him to laugh a little. “I hope you’re ready for all of this,” Cody mumbles, breath hitting against Noel’s neck, “You’re going to get sick of me.” _ _

_ _“You’re acting like I haven’t been doing this with you for the past three months. And I’ve known you for years,” Noel says, sounding equally as tired as Cody, “Besides, I’ve always been ready for you.” _ _

_ _Cody’s taken aback by the feeling of Noel’s lips to his forehead, then one kiss to his temple. Another on his cheek, and finally landing on Cody’s lips. They’re gone before Cody can reciprocate the kiss. _ _

_ _They both get comfortable again, Cody cuddled up to Noel, until the expected crying of Lily rings like alarms throughout the room. Cody moves to get up, but Noel is quick to stop him. “I got this, okay? Try going to sleep. You deserve it,” Noel tells him. He kisses Cody again. Cody kisses him back._ _

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any mistakes/typos or confusion within the timeline. i wrote this in three sittings over a period of three months, and i didn't go back to read the whole thing over. thank you for reading, i hope it's alright.


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